Hectic times

Scrambling for work and trying to get things done around here has not left a lot of time for blogging. From a depression stand point I am feeling pretty good. Keeping my head up and forging ahead with everything. Have not had a "down" day in weeks, Praise God.

I really enjoyed the snow today and hope that there is still plenty to come. The dog is exhausted from playing with it and in it all day.

Chiles and Chocolate!

Watching Iron Chef on tv and the secret ingredients are chiles and chocolate. Just making me think of life and how we approach it. Do we go for the spicy and sweet things or just keep it plain and simple (safe?)? Are we so bogged down with fear that we don't do anything?

Get out and bite a little chile today and see what happens. We have to engage life to learn to function in it. Our safe places really are not very safe because they harm us greatly with their false promises of peace only to haunt us with doubts.

Felt like singing today.

Of all things, today I kept getting praise songs in my head and what a blessing they were. I am working at a college right now so just bursting out in song at the top of my lungs really was not an appropriate response. But since when have I been appropriate?

This joy overflowing is so wonderful to experience. Things (circumstances), really are not any different, I just am.

Quite coincidentally(HA HA) we just started a new bible study of the book of Phillipians which is all about the apostle Pauls' joy in all circumstances (prison, beatings, shipwreaks, etc.). Imagine that. Take a look at it, it really is amazing.

Continuity brings peace

Things continue to go well in spite of the outside influences. I have been able to keep up the momentum while work and other issues try to bring me down.

Counseling is a highlight as my wife and I shared another session tonight. We have both been battered by my depression and the fallout of years of living under the weight of it. There is great encouragement in the results so far and we look forward to more progress.

Are you looking forward to tomorrow or dreading it? There is so much to gain by moving forward. God really has a good plan for us and we need to reach for it. Speak to someone you trust, it could be a great first step toward the health you deserve.

Busy being busy

Been very busy of late renovating our master bedroom. A lot of work but it will be so worth it. I have been at it most evenings after work so blogging has slipped away.

I have to say that things continue well and I have energy and initiative that has been absent for so long. The person I was pre-depression seems to be reemerging and I am very excited!

I continue with my weekly counseling and this week I invited my wife to go with me. It turned out to be a great decision. After some initial nervousness, things went really well and I look forward to sharing some of the time with her there. My counselor is such a gentle soul that it is easy to relax and get into it. If you seek counseling you must find someone that you can relate to and be comfortable with. The emotional cost of investing in counseling is paid back with dividends if you find a good fit.

Carry on, Carry on

My last post was dealing with whether or not I should continue on with this blog since I am feeling so much better. Well God has a sense of humor and very good timing.

Several of you commented either here or by separate e-mail to encourage me, which was great. At the same time, I received an MYP (my HMO) newsletter in the mail. Since I am being treated through them, they have a customized depression newsletter they send out and guess what the topic was this time. "Can I stop treatment now that I am feeling well?" Weird, right? The answer of course is "no you can't stop treatment just because you feel better". Long story, longer, this just pointed me back to this blog and how it has helped me through the last few months and hopefully it helped a few others also.

I still need to be diligent about my meds and keeping in touch with my doctor and going to counseling and connecting with all of you, my friends and fellow sufferers and watching my diet and getting exercise and fresh air and sunshine and trying to focus on looking outward by helping others etc. etc.

Some of you may be saying at this point, "Maybe we should have encouraged him to shut this down and go away", because I'm just rambling on and on. Be careful what you ask for. See you again soon.

Do I keep going?

I am in a bit of a quandary. For the last several weeks I have really been feeling good and not having any down days. I have been experiencing real emotions, sadness and joy and a sense of being in touch with reality like I have not had in a very long time.

In one sense it is wonderful and in another it is strange. I almost feel like I am no longer qualified to write this blog because I am somewhat disconnected from the depression and can hardly imagine how bad I was, even though I know the truth of how I was feeling.

Lately, I have even wondered if there is anybody out there. Am I doing anybody any good or just rambling for my own sake?