Just get rid of it!

Talking today with a fellow sufferer and got onto the hoarding aspect again. He has been struggling with hoarding and how it stifles his life. The shear volume of stuff prevents us from getting things done or feeling good about ourselves.

The good news is, we had talked a few weeks ago about the problem and how to even start when it all seems so daunting and we agreed that very small goals need to be set in order to guarantee early success. Well today he shared how he has already eliminated an entire vans' worth of stuff he really can live without! More work to do but forward motion that started with one item is now encouraging him to fill another van.

What has all this really got to do with depression? Well, think about it, we sit around burdened by our mental stuff, unable to move or act in a positive fashion because we see no way forward past the piles of crap in our heads. Frozen by insecurity and doubt we default to inaction keeping us from failing, or so we think. In truth, it secures our failure while adding to the burdens already accumulated from the past.

Today I almost let myself get overwhelmed by work, convincing myself that there was not time to complete a task but fortunately I literally talked myself into restarting and ended up going home with a great feeling of accomplishment. We really need to just keep trying.

DO NOT OPEN COMMENT FROM LAST POST!

Please do not click on the Asian characters on the most recent comment, they are a porn link!!!!!

I do not know how to delete them yet, if anyone knows how please share it with me.


On to this new post. I went to a wake for the father of a friend tonight. WWII vet, ardent Catholic, amateur St. Patrick historian, beloved father and grandfather. Recently he met his saviour and all is well now. Do you know Him? I cannot imagine going through this life without a relationship with Christ. Time and again I have turned to Him for comfort and solace.

Do the people you love know about Him?

Get up and get out!

After several days of doing very little and eating way too much I was starting to feel lethargic and uninspired. On top of it I was sleeping poorly at night and starting to just "be there".

Today was continuing the trend and I really just wanted to sleep. After a big, late breakfast I thought we would just hang out and do nothing. Instead we made plans to go to a movie and off we went for an afternoon snooze. The snooze didn't work out and afterward we went home, got the dog and went for a walk over the Hudson railroad bridge. What a great change. The sun was out and there was enough breeze to keep anybody awake. The effect of action cannot be overstated. To feel better get going, to stay better keep going!

Making it to the next day.

Just got off the phone with a good friend who has suffered the loss of his father this week. Trying to share hope with him about his dad and also his own future. He told me of how he and his dad were very close and that the last ten years have been very meaningful. In the midst of the pain of loss he knows that he is blessed.

Do you wonder sometimes about your relationships and how they are faring? Are there family members with whom you are estranged? Perhaps God is calling you to be in prayer about them. I know that for me I often think that there is time to straighten things out, later. But the reality is, later may never come and the opportunities that are presented are not limitless. We should be proactive in this regard, setting aside pettiness and bitter memories.

The beginning should be wrapped in prayer to see His will for the matter. Perhaps we are the injured one and have offered forgiveness in the past only to have it trampled upon and tossed away and that is very painful Or maybe we deal with the separation by just blocking it out and pretending that other person doesn't even exist. That will give us some peace for awhile but the truth is still inside us and it rears it's ugly head at some of the least desirable times, bringing fresh pain and doubt.

I will be praying about and for my brother, with whom I currently share a broken relationship, hoping that God will give me some new insight and perhaps direction to follow in that regard.

If you can, be sure to reach out to those around you who love and care for you and be sure to let them know about your feelings for them.

Merry Christ Mass Everyone

Here's hoping everyone has a blessed Christmas. I have been in a good place lately, starting with everyone being home by Wednesday night. I absolutely love it when they are all here.

Counseling doesn't even hurt

Well I did it. Tonight was my first session and it went really well. For those of you who have not gone, let me encourage you to seriously consider it.

Things were just calm and easy, not nearly as stressful as I expected. Thanks to all who prayed and prodded along the way. I have even set up my next appointment for the first week of January.

The thing that felt good was a different perspective on some issues that I have been working against for years. Also the input on my medications and also some of my symptoms that can be aired differently in this setting.

Look out counseling, here I come

Tomorrow is the big day as I give counseling a shot. Please pray for me that I am open to the experience and willing to see what God has in it for me. 3 pm that's the time, you go on your knees, I'll go on the couch.
It feels kind of strange because lately I have been feeling pretty good and wonder if I need to go at all. Of course that is part of the problem, when we feel good we don't take care of ourselves and when we feel bad, we can't. It's kind of like eating well all of the time, not just when we are sick.

Hunkering down for the storm

I've spent the day in anticipation of the big storm that is supposed to be coming. Getting out to the store to pick up groceries with about ten thousand other people. It's now almost 11pm and we have not seen the first flake. The good part is we spent the day hanging out and getting ready for Christmas. Pretty much a lazy day that was needed by all.
Speaking with a friend last night about how hard it can be to step out and reach for help when we are down. As we sink down it seems like there is no way back up, but there always is a way out. Do you have someone that you can call no matter what, no matter where or when? Do not be afraid get help or at least speak to somebody who cares.

I'm going to counseling!!!!

Well, I finally did it. I made an appointment for next Tuesday and can't wait. Prayers for a good session would be appreciated. It is a huge relief to have this scheduled after flip-flopping for so long about it. I meet right in Hyde Park so that will be convenient.

Talking today with another sufferer about the problem of being a hoarder. I don't know if this is tied into the depressive personality or just some other quirky trait we happen to share. Any thoughts? I would love to get that under control in my life because I know how oppressive it can be at times. So much time and energy is wasted because of it and sometimes it contributes to my depression because I just get frozen in the effort to do something about the clutter. That just leads to more self-loathing and the cycle continues. Again, I am encouraged by the conversation though since now I can bring it more into light and maybe work towards dealing with it better.

Gloom, sha ka laka laka

Gloomy and overcast day but I did fine anyway. Great opportunity for setbacks today but somehow I plowed along and came out okay in the end. The problems didn't go away but the day ended and that was sufficient. We have to count our blessings as they come.

Finally went back to the gym tonight for the first time in a week and boy did I need it! I really have to make sure I keep that a priority. Gaining back the weight I had lost was not a good thing but at least I feel like I am still in better shape than I was before I started.

Looking forward to some sunshine again soon.

Keeping on to keep going

I find that the more I do the more I can do. Pretty simple, right? But getting started can be difficult and keeping going even harder. But we have to start. The first step is do-able and then maybe even the next. What first step are you too anxious or scared to try? Tell someone what it is so they can help you make that move.

Now that you're moving keep up the momentum and go even further! You might even finish the day with something positive to look back on, imagine that! We are full of possibilities that only we can unleash.

Good Day Sunshine

Okay, so maybe the sun isn't shining. But that doesn't mean we can't. Great adult Sunday School class today, so much interaction and witness by many makes me feel like all of the time is worth it. It just seems like more and more people are hungry for what He has to offer.

The slush and junky rain sounds terrible outside and I need to leave home in about a half hour so I am not looking forward to that. But I have a raincoat and a car so there really is nothing to grumble about. How we look at things really does make all the difference. Are you looking at the bright side of things or struggling to even look? Be strong and courageous, I know you can do it!

Read scripture in church today, all about joy and not just, boy do I feel good joy, but the kind of joy you get in receiving a blessing you do not deserve. The joy of our salvation! There are just so many good scriptures this time of year for us to find solace and strength in. Read His word, it is some really good stuff.

Tree's up!

Praise God, my son came home last night and helped me get the tree (14') into the stand today. Now I just have to get lights and ornaments and all of the rest of the decorations up. Went shopping tonight for gifts for a family we are helping this Christmas season. It always helps when I do stuff for others.

Very tired lately and that hasn't helped my attitude. Looking forward to reading scripture in church tomorrow. It is one way that I really feel used by God.

Made the first move towards counseling today, finally speaking to someone about getting it set up. Thanks to those who have encouraged me, pray that I follow through and do this thing. I know that right now this is the missing piece to helping me be better more consistently.

Sunshine beckons

Looking out the window at a beautiful clear crisp morning, I know that I need to get out in the sunshine a little today. As soon as I typed that a cloud came through and obscured the sun! Maybe that is just a sign to do the things I need to do now and not to wait because they might not be there when we are ready for them.

An interesting concept, sounds almost like carpe diem, seize the day, or in plain English, just do it! Now! What are those things that we are waiting for a better time to do? Whether they are good or bad things to do, I know that when I just get things done I feel so much better about myself.

I remember speaking with another guy who was putting together a correlation between depression sufferers and ADD (and it's many other forms) and how they seemed to be linked in some way. I certainly have issues with scattered thought processes which greatly impact my performance both as a worker, friend and family member. The other strange tie-in is with obsessive-compulsive traits. It seems that there are more and more things in my life that have to be "just so " or it bothers me, even to the point of stopping me in my tracks and causing me to have to force myself into action to overcome the obstacle, real or perceived. It can be as simple as which utensil I use to eat with. What is up with that? Thinking about Howard Hughes the other day and how when I was younger I just thought he was nuts and now I am beginning to think that he probably was suffering from depression and OCD, leading him into his reclusive life at a time when these things were far less understood and certainly less treatable. Imagine some of the amazing things he could have done had he received proper care.

A life well lived needs to be on track and if medical intervention is the answer, so be it!

Busyness

Monday and Tuesday were crammed schedules with little time to sit and relax. No time for internet, sorry. Things are alright, just pushing on hoping for relief.A friend texted me the other day about opening up communication again. A while back I just shut it down because I was feeling overwhelmed by stuff and unable to help him in his time of need. Really felt like I had let him down. Now he is reaching out and I need to respond so that I don't hurt him further.

As usual, when I get overloaded the people around me suffer the most and deserve it the least. Wish I could work that out better.

Lots of beautiful snow around, though even though it is raining now it won't wash it all away and I am thankful for that.

Oh Tannenbaum!

The ladies (wife, daughter and dog) and I went out and cut down our tree today and God provided a perfect day with some snow to make the dragging easier and really only two suitable trees for us to choose from so the final decision was easier. Now I just need a bunch of friends to help lift it into the stand. This is when I really miss the extra muscle of having the boys at home. Oh well, it will happen. Sunshine and snow were such a welcome sight.

Helped to serve communion today and really felt blessed to share that with others. The simplicity of the act often drives me to greater understanding. And looking people in the eye and explaining that Christ did this amazing thing for them never gets old.

Lately I have also gotten some great feedback from people about the adult Sunday school class my wife and I lead. The comments have really been uplifting and encouraging since sometimes I really wonder if we have any impact on peoples lives. With that in mind, try to tell people you care about what you think of them. Don't assume that they already know or that you said it before so it is done. We all need to be reminded that we are loved and important to others.

Let it snow!

Cold and dreary start to the day. Things just got better as the day went on. I love snow and as it started to flurry my spirit started to lift and then when it started to stick, yahoo! Everything just becomes so beautiful here with a fresh cover of snow.

Tomorrow we go for the tree and snow on the ground will make it perfect. Enjoy the things that make you happy and get together with people who make you smile. Sometimes the best way out of a rut is to just make a turn and hit the gas. Embracing life brings out the best in me.

And so it goes again

Today was not much different than yesterday. The weather in the morning was oppressive and weighing me down and there was so much to do but focus was difficult at times. Don't know if I accomplished much but I was trying.

Thinking more about pushing up my Dr appointment to check up on things.

Tried getting going by working out at the gym but the spirit just wasn't in it and I floundered for the hour or more that I was there. Being hard on myself for overeating lately but not doing anything about it. There is a tendency for me to eat compulsively when things are like this. I was being petty watching other people and getting upset if they weren't wiping down the machines and even wanted to tell on them. I find when I am struggling I just get so much more critical of others. It is not very pretty.

Perhaps I need to get in the Word more as I have been lax lately and that usually helps my demeanor.

Fast pace can be good and bad

The last two days have been very full with not much relief in site. Sometimes it works for the best when I am very busy, no time to get down, just keep plugging along. Others days it is a mess because it just amplifies my inability to make a decision or get going as the piles just get higher faster than ever.

These days have been the later as I type this out at 11pm with so much more to still do today before bed. If days were longer it would not mean more got done, just the piles got even higher. Go to go.