First Day Continued

I realized there was not much to chew on here and decided to add some more stuff. The truth about my depression is that it is often unpredictable and what had no effect on me one day sends me spiraling downward the next. I have to be careful that I remember to always take my medication because the effects can sneak up on me and the ones who are harmed the most are my family. You know you have done it again when you see the hurt feeling in their eyes and you have no answer for your senseless behavior. How often do we struggle with an answer when someone says what did you do today? I bite my lip when people ask "How are you doing?" and the last thing they want to know is, "How are you doing?". I quietly slide on the mask of Christian contentment and merely say "Fine, and you?". The deceit of ourselves and others is probably most troubling because it eventually causes the most havoc in my life. Often what strikes me is that during a conversation I am disconnected and don't really pay attention. After being asked about my kids or wife, I rarely remember to ask about the other person's life. How often do people walk away after talking with me and wonder if I heard a single word they were saying? How ridiculous is it that I will sometimes blowup at people over the most mundane and trivial things but when things have true meaning or importance I shut down and run away from the risk of decision making or responsibility. I had better stop there for today before I run on incoherently for hours (instead of just the few minutes so far!).